Out Among Humans

Vowel by vowel and syllable by syllable, Kaffy deconstructed ‘Mom’s’ attempts to be understood

It hadn’t been easy. But finally Kaffy became the sole person through whom Mom could communicate with world.

Dementia was complicated by cancer followed by a stroke. For a year and a half Kaffy lived in with her client, sharing a one-bedroom in an assisted living community.

The woman treated her with such regard that Kaffy took to calling her Mom. A gesture as therapeutic as the meals, baths and extras she provided.

Wherever Mom went— to the store, the beauty parlor and the park where they bounced the ball — Kaffy went.

They were a tag-team in the game room, Mom would buy bingo cards for herself and for Kaffy. They routinely played the ponies, handicapping a field of horses moved by a roll of the dice.

Kaffy won so often some suspected she was practicing the Black Arts, not knowing that the Nigerian’s biggest wager — one with no guarantees — had been immigrating to the U.S. five years earlier.

The two formed a spiritual connection. Kaffy’s open-voweled Yoruban accent harmonized with Mom’s frustrated efforts as they sang hymns and spirituals.

One ritual especially meaningful occurred in the chapel downstairs. The woman in rapid decline took enormous comfort from the sacrament of communion, and from the spiritual preparedness it required. It pleased her each time Kaffy joined her in receiving the sacrament.

It wasn’t until later that Mom realized her caregiver participated strictly as a courtesy to her; and that Fridays — not Sundays — was the day when Kafayat Ikumogunly directed her devotions to Allah.

The religions of the both women hold that there is one true supreme being. And if that is to be believed, then Allah and God must be one and the same.

The congregation understands that children can’t be totally sealed off a carnal world.Because it was all new to the preteens, they were encouraged to submit anonymous questions about sexuality, reproduction, and rumors they had heard but weren’t totally sure of.

When the congregation asked for volunteers to teach the workshop, Chris Walker stepped forward. He and a woman who is a career educator would present the facts of life to the ten, eleven and twelve-year old boys and girls.

The connection between sexuality and world religions goes back to the commandment in the Book of Genesis to “be fruitful and multiply.” We’ve been hardwired (and plagued) with relentless sexual impulses to meet that responsibility.

Genesis goes on to tell us that humans became aware of their nakedness and felt the need to cover themselves.

Religions proceeded to restrict sex to marriage between a man and a woman — for the sole purpose of procreation. Of course those elaborate taboos made hanky all the more panky.

The workshop Chris taught is based on the belief that children can’t be totally sealed off from the world and need to be informed to navigate it. Ethics and consent were core teachings of the curriculum. Abstinence was encouraged as a right, responsible choice during the teen years.

Ministers and members of the Lake Street Church worship together regardless of sexual identity. Same-sex marriages are celebrated. Judge not lest ye be judged.

Chris discovered the adolescents to be as innocent about matters sexual as he had once been. There were moments of embarrassment, when disbelief flashed across their faces. They giggled when first hearing terms like scrotum, vagina, nipple, ejaculation, etc.

The kids weren’t always thrilled to be there. But they would return home savvier about human sexuality; armed with new, dangerous-sounding words they could throw around at the dinner table. They had earned that right.