Fallen Angels, Season 1

It wasn’t because Jane isn’t brilliant – she graduated one slot below the top of her class at UT Austin.

And it wasn’t because she’s naive – she trolled reality for the most corrupt president in modern history.

The reason Jane decided to accept the conspiracy theory project is because, for the first time in her life, she’s broke and doesn’t know where her next brunch is coming from.

Dick refused to touch the project and was appalled when Jane signed on.

Jane presented character-assassination takedowns targeting every RINO who voted to certify the election. “They were brilliant concepts,” she bragged to Dick, “and now those scumbags deny ever meeting me.”

“Did you actually expect to get paid by white-nationalists who feed lies to elderly Fox viewers?”

“Isn’t that what we did for four years?” Jane shot back.

“And we got paid for it.” her husband replied.

Jane announced she was going to take a shower.

The purpose of the Zoom meeting was to talk about creating conspiracy theories that could be fed to Newsmax and Fox.

Frankly, Dick and Jane had planned to leave conspiracy work behind after they left the White House (it didn’t play well at their class reunions).

Meanwhile their skills at bending reality have caught the attention of white nationalist groups.

No less than the rising, fund-raising superstar from Georgia’s Fourteenth asked for a Zoom. Dick and Jane agreed only because they need money.

“Y’all did great claiming the election was stolen” the congresswoman said “…pullin’ them talkin’ points right outta thin air.”

“I’ll pay top dollar for creativity like yours. We got some in-house ideas you could maybe help us fancy up.

”One is that COVID vaccines are linked to flesh-eating farts and the other is that Liz Cheney dates barnyard animals.”

Dick hit the mute button and turned to Jane.

“I’m not doing this.” he said.

Solley was standing in front of Jane and Dick’s apartment, waiting for them to return from a run.

“Y’all folks noticed there be help-wanted signs up and down the block?” he asked.

Solley enjoys using street talk with certain of his renters.

“Only reason I bring it up is your rent be due two days ago.”

The man is a highly successful landlord in a neighborhood where collecting rent can be a struggle.

His major marketing advantage is that he doesn’t bother with credit scores, a fact that helped Dick and Jane get their lease.

“I’m one of them Rand Paul, Tom Cotton libertarians.” he said. “I don’t get cops and courts involved. If my renters don’t pay on time, I can get ‘em relocated in a matter of days. It’s a special courtesy I offer.”

“Give us a week, Solly.” Dick asked. “We’re closing in on a project that’ll straighten out our financial problems.”

“If that falls through,” Solly replied, pointing toward 18th NW, “my car wash is offering signing bonuses.”

“It’s not like we’ll be turning tricks on Twelfth and Mass.” Jane reassured her husband.

“We need a higher class of johns.” Dick replied. “We’ve sold ourselves cheap for the last four years.”

Dick and Jane made their bones spinning lies and hustling Fake News at the White House. Seeing their stuff repeated on Fox was as good as West Wing cocaine.

It was inevitable they’d attract offers from white-nationalists pumping out rumors about pedophiles in pizzerias.

“We have to protect our brand.” Dick insisted. “We can‘t afford to be associated with ridiculous fairy tales.”

“They’re talking serious money; and they’ll pay us upfront,” Jane said. “And in case you haven’t noticed, Dicky Dearest, June’s rent is due on Tuesday.”

“Maybe you could buy us a free month by offering our landlord a blowjob.” Dick said, laughing.

“I think Solly’s more interested in you, cowboy.”

Jane didn’t want to jinx things by rushing off to CVS to pickup a test kit.

She and Dick had been careful, and anxiety and exhaustion had fooled her before.

She’d wait a few days to see if their lives were going to be turned upside down. No reason to worry her husband at this point.

The two of them have been struggling since the defeat of the president.

Unemployed and close to being broke, they’re having trouble getting interviews because they’re closely associated with the Big Lie (that the election was stolen) and with the riot it incited.

This is absolutely no time to be searching for promo codes on Similac.

It turns out that Jane was right, stress had fooled her once again.

She wouldn’t be tempted to call the phone number that had been circulated around the White House.

It’s the private line of an OB/GYN in Arlington whose limited, cash-only practice makes it nearly impossible to dig up the names of her patients.