Just Your Average 68-Year-Old College Freshman.

We used the formal sign-in sheet but he decided to call attendance anyway. After each name he asked, “Are you happy?”

It was completely adlibbed—he skipped a few students then came back to include us all. “Ms. Name, are you happy? How about you, Mr. Name, are you a happy man?”

The first students were caught by surprise and answered yes (admitting sadness in this classroom would seem like admitting a STD). But as the professor continued down the roster, things took a turn toward Oprah. Several students weren’t quite sure about their happiness and a few confided that they weren’t at all that happy.

One young woman was “Ecstatic!” I plan to sit next to her the rest of the semester.

Just Your Average 68-Year-Old College Freshman.

“My husband and I are nothing here, we are nobody.”

She’s a middle-aged nursing student. She wanted our group to see an e-mailed photo of her former workplace. She had been a surgical somebody in Bucharest for 28 years. (Notice the bone structure of the patient.)

People leave vital parts of themselves behind. Language, wit and social savvy don’t always travel well. People have to unlearn things. “I shouldn’t bribe cops?” Many have to settle on a lower rung on life’s organization chart, at least for a time.

She never believed the streets of America were paved with gold (nobody does anymore she said) but there were persistent rumors about opportunities. That was enough to catch her attention.

Just Your Average 68-Year-Old College Freshman.

END OF WINTER, just south of the 42nd Parallel — March has been so bitter here you could actually (kind of actually) hear rocks cracking along the shoreline.

A professor cracked too. I was startled when he told students they shouldn’t depend on dreams coming true—not just fantasies about being NFL starters or rock stars—but regular, everyday dreams. A good-enough life would be possible, he said, with work and constancy.

He realized he had violated an unwritten code of educators and took his words back immediately, blaming the winter. He’s a very talented lecturer, I’ve taken 2 of his courses so far. All he needs is better boots.

Just Your Average 68-Year-Old College Freshman.

END OF WINTER, just south of the 42nd Parallel — March has been so bitter here you could actually (kind of actually) hear rocks cracking along the shoreline.

A professor cracked too. I was startled when he told students they shouldn’t depend on dreams coming true—not just fantasies about being NFL starters or rock stars—but regular, everyday dreams. A good-enough life would be possible, he said, with work and constancy.

He realized he had violated an unwritten code of educators and took his words back immediately, blaming the winter. He’s a very talented lecturer, I’ve taken 2 of his courses so far. All he needs is better boots.

Just Your Average 68-Year-Old College Freshman.

“Come come, my dears, you’re safe with me.”

Sometimes during freshman orientations, students are urged to open a checking account they’ve been led to believe is endorsed by their college. It isn’t. Meanwhile unusually nice people (recent grads, khakis and polos) invite newbies to sign up for plastic that carries an APR well above 20%. Apply today and get a lifetime membership at the campus tanning salon! Tell your friends!

Some for-profit colleges have been accused of pushing overpriced loans at kids who qualify for federal subsidized loans. Most education loans can’t be forgiven—oil companies and hedge funds can go bankrupt but students can’t.

The average U.S. college student graduates with slightly less than $30,000 in debt. We’re eating our young.