New Year’s Resolutions
1946 — Focus on bodily functions
1947 — Stop throwing up on family
1948 — Molars, bathrooms
1949 — Tie shoes
1950 — Stop your squirming
1951 — Be a big boy
1952 — Do homework
1953 — Impress Miss Anne
1954 — Use brain God gave you
1955 — Stop stealing candy
1956 — Got out for sports
1957 — Avoid girls
1958 — Meet girls
1959 — Soap, water and Clearasil
1960 —
1961 — Learn to drive and make out
1962 — Dad
1963 — Step outside the capsule
1964 — Prepare to get dumped
1965 — Become an artist
1966 — Be professional
1967 — Start a business
1968 — Recognize mistake
1969 — Stop smoking
1970 — Step into domesticity
1971 — Don’t be a jerk
1972 — Stop being a jerk
1973 — Quit being a jerk
1974 — Learn to live alone
1975 —
1976 — Make way in big city
1977 — Keep eyes open
1978 — Public speaking
1979 — Consolidate
1980 — Assume nothing
1981 — Know how to take a punch
1982 — Relentlessly charm people
1983 — Take vows, keep them
1984 — Say goodbye to Mom
1985 — Take Dad out for whiskey afterward
1986 —
1987 — Blow on baby girl’s belly
1988 — Know when to fold ‘em
1999 — Forage
1990 —
1991 — Exfoliate
1992 — Irradiate baby, blow on his belly
1993 — Revel in family
1994 — Gush
1995 — Pick up milk on way home
1996 — Check your work
1997 — Be a good boss
1998 — Double-entry bookkeeping
1999 — Go to their away games
2000 — Don’t be a jerk
2001 — Hunker down
2002 — Schedule a miracle
2003 — Teach daughter to drive
2004 — Mind the winds and tides
2005 — Show your good side
2006 — Let luck do its part
2007 — Savor modest success
2008 — Teach son to drive
2009 — Plan family reunion
2010 — Thirty-six hours, one way
2011 — Eat a Greek salad
2012 — Honor father and mother
2013 — Screw titanium into femurs
2014 — Do something
2015 — To have and to hold
2016 — Don’t abuse semicolons 
