They knew a lot more than the adults gave them credit for.
They knew that parents, teachers, store clerks and tobacco companies — especially tobacco companies — were plotting to keep the most delicious pleasure in life away from them. Read more…
People at a coffee shop
A surprising number of friendships here at our neighborhood coffee shop start with an orgasm.
Although the stranger on the stool next to you has invaded your personal space and put you at risk by spreading germs, you answer her sneeze with a blessing. We’ve being doing that since the invention of dust.
We’ve been blessing each other since the invention of dust.
Minute particles breach our nasal passages, setting off a tickling response. We lose control and blast out a spray to expel them. The soft palate and palatine uvula push down and the back of the tongue lifts to partly close the mouth. Most of our sneeze escapes out through the nose — some of it through the mouth. Sadly, many Americans take their palatine uvulas for granted.
There are many superstitions about sneezing. It’s as a close as you can get to death is one of them. In parts of Asia a sneeze means someone’s gossiping about you. Health care professionals believe that using “The Elbow Sneeze” combats the spread of germs. Why not just wipe your nose on your sleeve?
Once you say “God bless you,” “Salud,” “Jesus,” “Gesundheit,” or “Chiranjeeva sataish” to a stranger, the ice has been broken. The next day you ask to reach past that person’s knees to get your power adapter. You’re talking to each other and before you know it you discover you have an amazing number of things in common — loose bowels, a throbbing headache, inflamed joints, chills and a fever of 101º being among them.
NOTE about this historic :03 second film clip: In 1884 Edison factory worker Fred Ott was captured on film. There is no record of Fred’s second or third sneeze.
They all knew the idea was absurd.They also knew to keep their mouths shut and their opinions to themselves.
They managed to discuss the project with straight faces. There were serious billable hours at stake.
Nobody at the Fortune 500 Company or at the ad agency to which it assigned the project knew who had come up with the idea. Too much Adderall in the executive dining room, maybe. All anybody knew was that group managers with track records were allowing it to go forward. Read more…
Most of the models, Dave added, were Bunnies at that new Playboy Club downtown.
He got a letter from his friend Dave every few weeks.
Unlike Dave, who had started at the commercial art academy in the fall semester, he would attend in the spring after his hitch in the service was over.
There was one thing Dave mentioned every time he wrote. Nude figure drawing classes (as in NUDE figure drawing classes) were held Monday and Wednesday mornings and most of the models, Dave added, were Bunnies at that new Playboy Club downtown.
Read more…
Fiction
“The Robert” began to model himself after the president who single-handedly saved the country from itself.
For a kid his age, he watches more that his share of C-Span.
He doesn’t care about wonky issues but he likes to study powerful people. He’s especially impressed by how they call people names and use outrageous lies to humiliate them.
The boy kept his hair long so when he decided to sweep it across his forehead, all he needed was hairspray. At the same time, he began to pretend he didn’t hear kids when they called him Bobby.
I’m “The Robert,” he insisted. When a seventh-grader used his old name, he made up rumors that destroyed her. It felt good.
Strutting and bloviating – “everyone loves me” – he came to dominate his school.
As they did every Sunday, his family went to his grandparents. His aunts, uncles and cousins hooted with laughter when he launched into his Trump routine.
“Aunt Caroline’s a fat slob,” he announced as potatoes were passed. The Robert told his cousin she was a H-U-G-E loser. “Jason wimps out during gym.” He reproached his father for not having an advanced degree and taunted the housekeeper with a fake Guatemalan accent.
After dinner his grandmother invited him into the living room. She’s an adoring woman and each of her nine grandkids believe they’re her favorite.
When they were alone she pulled Bobby close and held him long enough for it to mean something. She took a step back to look at him, paused briefly and then she slapped him hard, but not as hard as she could have.
